It’s June… the beginning of summer, Pride month for the LGBTQ community, and of course, that time when lots of couples take the plunge and get married. But a marriage always begins with that one question: Will you marry me?
It is no secret that I was married once upon a time. Even though the marriage didn’t last, the proposal was actually funny. We were on our way home after his first meeting with my mother. We were on the Staten Island Ferry, and when he returned from the bathroom, he just slid over to me and said, So you wanna get married? I looked at him and started laughing. My response was “Are you fucking kidding me? And where’s the ring?” We laughed it off and never really talked about it again. We got married a couple years later when I was on winter break. I was in the process of adopting his daughter, and it was recommended we got married. So I basically said to him I think we should get married… and we did. Oh, and I bought the rings.
After my marriage ended, I didn’t know if I ever wanted to get married again. I wasn’t against it, but it had to feel right. When I met my now ex-boyfriend, I thought he was the one. We joked that should we ever get engaged, I wanted to be proposed to and be given a ring. Well this past February, I decided that I wanted to go against my own wishes and pop the question. My ex always said I wasn’t the most romantic (I’m not a flowers and candy kinda guy, although I think I am in so many other ways). So for me, it had to be something completely unexpected but romantic, but yet so classic and true to us as a couple. I wanted to make him cry… in a good way. And that’s when “The Project” began.
The first thing I had to do was lock down a date. Since our official anniversary was March 13th, we always celebrated the 13th of every month. So I wanted it to be on a 13th, but not our actual anniversary. He was doing a show in April, and the 13th of May was in the middle of the week. So I decided to do something on June 13th (a Saturday), and make a weekend of it. But now I needed to flesh out a plan.
The first part was easy. He always wanted to see Book of Mormon, but for some reason, never did. I wanted to make that happen, so I got tickets… CHECK! I went to Express, and bought a gorgeous gray suit… CHECK! Then I decided I wanted us to spend the night in the city, so I contacted my friend who worked for a hotel, and he booked us a room… CHECK! And of course, where to pop the question? After many different ideas, I realized there could only be one place that just made sense… the location of our first date, French Roast… CHECK!
But now came the hard part: THE RING!!! He wears rings all the time, and I wanted this ring to be special. I looked everywhere for something that screamed him. One night at work, I was talking to someone about my plan, who just so happens to be the VP for Marketing of certain designer fragrances, including David Yurman. She offered her assistance, and even offered to get me a sweet deal. So we went online and looked at several rings, and I found IT… the perfect ring. She did her thing, and when I saw the ring in person, I knew it was totally him. Check it out for yourself: http://www.davidyurman.com/products/men/collections/armory/armory-crossover-band-ring-r15219mss.html?lpos=PLP-106&item=r15219mssabd&source=plp
I was soooo good with keeping this on a need to know basis, which was extremely difficult for me. Only one of my friends knew what was going on. I wanted to say something so many times, and almost messed up quite a few times… twice with him. I was actually on the phone with him when I was in Express, and when he asked why I needed another suit, I said it was in case I got a job that required one. And the other time was when I asked him to try on one of his rings. I needed an idea for the size, and I knew his fingers were bigger than mine. So it was an odd request.
With all the pieces falling into place, here’s how I envisioned this going down. We would spend the weekend by my place. On the 13th, we would go to see Book of Mormon, and spend the day in the city. We would then go to French Roast for dinner. At dinner, I would give him a card for our anniversary. He’s the writer, so I had to do this part justice. This is what I ended up with:
I can't believe that we are sitting here celebrating another anniversary... in the place where it all began. From that first moment we met (after you got lost with your own directions), our relationship has definitely been a whirlwind and one giant roller coaster. We've had it all - births, deaths, weddings, bat mitzvahs, and just about everything else that can be thrown in between. And through all of it, we stood together, even when we didn't think we could. Sometimes I pinch myself to see if it's still real.
When I met you, I was very scared to fall in love again. But you made me feel safe the first time you put your arms around me, and that day when you cried and let your guard down, you showed me the real you. In that moment I knew you were the one... my soul mate. I think all the past crap prepared me for this moment.
You have always wondered why I am with you, and I've always said its not because of a need to be with someone. I want to be with you. I want all the good and all the bad times with you. I want us to spend the rest of our lives making each other absolutely bonkers, but absolutely in love. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I feel lucky everyday to call you my Cutie, and I love you with all my heart.
I know this is going to sound like a crazy question, but I wanted to know what you were doing for the rest of your life, and if you felt like some company? And just in case you have no clue what the fuck I'm talking about or what’s going on, I'm about to ask you to marry me... SO STOP READING THIS AND LOOK UP!
And they lived happily ever after… or not!
Unfortunately, reality smashed that fantasy. Last week, I saw my ex on the street when I was walking into Penn Station. He was wearing a black button down shirt, open with a black t-shirt underneath, and a pair of khakis. I was less than a foot from him and said Hi, and he walked passed me, as if I didn’t exist. He has said that in the past, he has made it like he didn’t know someone he dated to make them feel unimportant, and he would never do that to me. Well it definitely didn’t leave me feeling the intended way, but the message was definitely received.
Anyways, in the end, I returned the suit (probably would have been too big on me by now anyway, since I’ve been losing weight), cancelled the hotel, and the people at David Yurman were nice enough to let me return the ring, since it was never sized. And with everything else going on in my life, it really just slipped to the back of my mind.
That was until I got a reminder email about the Book of Mormon tickets a few days ago. Then everything came back. I’m not gonna lie, I was definitely sad about the whole situation for a bit. I even felt like such a loser for a hot second. But honestly, I realized that I was an amazing boyfriend, and I went above and beyond anything done for me. Through the ups and downs, my feelings stayed true. And I had the balls, and was willing to make a complete fool of myself to propose to the man I love. Not many people can say the same, can they?
Don't feel sad for me... I have not given up on love. And should I ever consider proposing to someone ever again, I definitely have an idea or two up my sleeve… there may even be singing involved. But this weekend, there will be no questions popped. Especially when I go to see Book of Mormon as planned.
I hope everyone has a great weekend.