In the Closet
Hi Everyone,
I hope you are all doing well and enjoying this holiday season. As you can imagine, it’s been a crazy few months for me and my family, and I’ve been spending a lot of time going through old pictures from my mother and talking about them with my husband. After a while, it started to remind me of these YouTube videos Vogue Magazine puts out of celebrities viewing a look book of fashion moments in their careers and talking about the outfits and what was going on at that time. Being the clotheshorse that I am, I figured it was time for me to do something light and fun. So, I decided to follow in Vogue’s footsteps and share some of my most iconic looks from over the years with you.
Please sit back and enjoy as we look back at 21 fashion moments from over the years…
AUGUST 1987: We’re going all the way back for this photo montage. The longer photo on the left was taken at my Bar Mitzvah. I remember that this suit, as well as the suit I wore for the Shabbat services that weekend (bottom middle pic, taken for my 8th grade class photo) both came from Young World on Norwood Avenue in Deal, NJ. I can’t think of a single reason for the white suit, other than the fact that my Bar Mitzvah was during the summer. The Yarmulka/Kippah I wore that day (top right pic), which I still have and is tucked away, was made by my great aunt Mildred. Side note: For my birthday this past September (bottom right pic), I wore a very similar jacket to the one I wore for the Shabbat services following my Bar Mitzvah, confirming the age-old adage that if you live long enough, certain looks will come back into style.
AUGUST 1988: This picture was taken at my cousin’s Bar Mitzvah. All I remember about this suit is it was purchased and tailored at Barney’s original Manhattan location, and we ended up there because my mother wanted my grandfather to buy her purple suede gloves. I also remember really loving the red tie I’m wearing. Fun tidbit: The suit I wore that Saturday for Shabbat services was the reverse of this suit (solid black jacket and black/white checked pants).
MAY 1990: This pic was taken at my brother Harrison’s Bar Mitzvah and the story behind this “suit” is actually kind of funny. There was a jungle theme for the Bar Mitzvah, and my mother had this idea that we should all have on shades of green. She had picked out this amazing olive suit for me at a store on Norwood Avenue called Steve 19, but unfortunately it was too big. Being the only copy of that suit that they had, the people at Steve 19 agreed to tailor the hell out of it. Cut to one week (to the day) before the Bar Mitzvah, and my mother showed up at my school while I was in gym class saying we had a family emergency and had to leave immediately. Turned out that Steve 19 had screwed up the suit so badly that the two back pockets on the pants were now touching across the ass. Freaking out, my mother and I drove into the city and went to this store we loved on Orchard Street called Trevi and ended up finding the “suit” I ended up wearing that day. They were separate pieces that my mother tied together with the shirt. Little known fact: because my “suit” now was navy with green, certain elements of other people’s outfits had to be switched so that all the looks were cohesive.
JUNE 2000: And so, we go from Harrison’s Bar Mitzvah to his wedding. This picture has always been a point of contention between me and my mother that lasted until the day she passed. As you can tell, my hair in this picture is dark, but if you were to ask my mother, she would swear on a stack of bibles that my hair was blonde that day. And even after being told that there were pictures proving her wrong, she would say that my brother paid to have my hair airbrushed dark. Now, if you want to know where the blonde story actually came from, I did make my hair blonde a few days later, but that’s another story. BTW, the suit I am wearing was made by Liz Claiborne and I got it from doing an in-store fashion show at Macy’s.
MAY 2001: 11 months after Harrison’s wedding was my other brother Hymie’s Bar Mitzvah. Again, I wore a Liz Claiborne suit that I got from doing an in-store fashion show, and contrary to how it looks, Hymie and I didn’t plan the matching outfits. In fact, Hymie was freaking out for a while thinking he was going to be wearing a pink suit because he overheard my mom talking about “the blush suit” she was having made for the event. Now onto the hair that day, because that was a definite story. My mother always loved when my hair was styled in a surfer cut (long and parted in the middle), and when she started planning this Bar Mitzvah after Harrison’s wedding, she made me promise that my hair would be long and dark that day. I did end up growing my hair out for the 11 months, but on the day before the Bar Mitzvah, my mother didn’t think my hair was long enough. So, she had her hairdresser, Ricardo, sew extensions into my hair and style it, which hurt like hell. She ended up hating the way it looked, and in the end, made me slick it all back, so you couldn’t even tell I had extensions when all was said and done. They lasted about 48 hours because the day after the Bar Mitzvah, I couldn’t take how uncomfortable they were and shaved all my hair off for the first time ever.
AUGUST 2003: Speaking of extensions, this picture was taken in LA at my sister Shari’s wedding. My mother once again was talking about hair extensions, and I cut her off at the pass by chopping my hair off, making it impossible to relive that nightmare. Now the story behind the suit is kinda fun. I had bought a black suit months earlier for another event that didn’t end up happening, so I decided I would wear it for this wedding. What I didn’t plan on was all the weight I would lose during the summer, and when the day of the wedding came, that suit was too big on me. Freaking out, my mother gave me her then fiancé’s credit card and told me to go buy something to wear. Now, if you were in Beverly Hills and had someone else’s credit card, where would you go to find a suit? That’s right, Rodeo Drive baby. I ended up finding this suit and the black boots I wore in Fred Segal. Months later, her fiancé got the credit card bill and I got in trouble for how much I spent.
SEPTEMBER 2011: This was a fun night. Celebrating my 37th birthday with karaoke at Pieces bar on Christopher Street. It was the first birthday I had after my then husband left me for a girl half my age, and I was on what they call “the divorce diet.” There’s nothing majorly special about this outfit that I can recall, but those boots were made of all recycled materials, including the soles that came from old tires. When I bought them, I told my ex that they only cost me $100, leaving out the fact that they really cost 10x that. It wasn’t until months later when I was dropping his daughter off to him at Macy’s, where he was working as a security guard, that a salesperson busted me on the price.
AUGUST 2013: Having a Saturday Night Fever moment for Hymie’s Engagement party in Deal. I had bought this white Express suit a couple of years prior when my mom was thinking of having a 4th of July wedding (which never happened), but it just ended up staying in my closet until the right time. I guess this was that moment. My hair, which I kept in a mohawk style for years, was flat ironed to about an inch of life and then teased. My then ex-boyfriend had been a hairdresser in a past life and would try to give me looks when we would go out, so he decided I needed big hair that evening.
NOVEMBER 2013: This was back in my “Real Housewives of CM” days. CM is a theater out on Long Island that one of my exes was on the board of. Every October/November, they would do performances of Rocky Horror to which he would sometimes host, and I’d attend. I mean, any reason to look over the top, right? Being a child of the 80’s, I have always had a strange obsession with the punk look, so this evening I decided to put my spin on the style. I made that shirt by cutting up a black t-shirt and putting it back together with over 50 safety pins. I made my hair blonde earlier that day for the occasion, which took over 4 hours, and I topped the look off with black eyeliner, which has become a staple in my Halloween looks.
OCTOBER 2014: Another Rocky Horror look. This performance fell on Halloween, and I was going for a whole Mad Max kind of look. The base of the outfit came from a capsule collection GAP was doing with GQ that spotlighted up and coming designers. In this case, the designer was En Noir, and the shirt had leather pieces on it. Absolutely loved this outfit, and I still wear those sweatpants. The sneakers are knee high Converse, the feathers were these two separate shoulder pieces that I found in a costume store that were tied together in the back so they would stand up and have a more three-dimensional look to them. And the outfit would not have been complete without my Chanel Black Satin nail polish. I also put a red rinse in my hair, which was supposed to wash out in 24 hours, but ended up lasting a few weeks.
AUGUST 2015: Oh, I remember this day very well. I again had lost a lot of weight after breaking up with an ex and was very happy with how my body looked at the time. I wore this Armani Exchange sweater with sheer panels on a first date in Central Park. If I wasn’t tan and thin, I don’t think this outfit would have made the same impact. There was quite a debate as to how sheer the panels were and if I needed a tank top underneath the sweater (I even think I posted a FB video about the sheerness of it). I did end up wearing a tank. Two little nuggets of info: (1) the guy I met that day turned out to be a d-list actor who is currently on a popular TV show, and we went on 2 more dates after that. (2) those white Express cargo pants were also worn as part of my George Michael Halloween costume two years later.
SEPTEMBER 2016: OMG, do I remember the fiasco that was my 42nd birthday. My boyfriend at the time promised me a special night out, so I did what any normal person would do and ordered this burgundy suit from Express. Well, for some reason, it took 3 jackets, with the correct one finally being flown here from California with a store manager heading to New York for a conference, and 4 pairs of pants, with the final one being overnighted on a Sunday so I would have them Monday morning, to get the complete suit correct. In the end, I was thrilled with how amazing this outfit turned out. Unfortunately, my boyfriend was in a mood that day and ended up taking me to a local diner-type restaurant down the street from my apartment.
FEBRUARY 2018: Little known fact: I have this very weird thing about having major milestone moments on someone’s birthday or a holiday because it then takes the specialness away from the original meaning to that day. So, when my then boyfriend, now husband and I discussed the idea of getting married, he knew I was against the cliché of getting engaged on Valentine’s Day. Besides that, he worked for Godiva at that time and being that Valentine’s Day was their busiest day of the year, I knew we weren’t going to be doing anything that day anyway. Instead, we planned to meet the following night in Times Square where we first met and then going to get dinner. Knowing an engagement was about to happen and going with the evening’s theme, I basically wore the same outfit I wore that day we met, adding a red tie from Express and these Valentine’s Day themed sneakers Aldo released. Sure enough, when we met, he surprised me with Godiva’s Valentine bear, but instead of chocolate being in its pouch, the bear had my engagement ring. Obviously, I said yes, and the rest is history. For those who like these kinds of details: the ring is a square estate piece from the 1950s/60s made of palladium, which is a rare platinum. When my husband purchased the ring, it was flown to New York first class, had its own seat on the plane and a security guard. And even though I had a hand in choosing the ring, I still give my husband the credit for doing good with this one.
JULY 2018: Probably my favorite outfit of all time. Back when I was still a “Real Housewife of CM,” I saw this suit in Express and immediately knew that I would one day get married in it. Mind you, I wasn’t engaged at the time or anything, but I purchased it on the spot. It wouldn’t be until 5 years and 2 boyfriends later that I finally did wear this gorgeous suit on my wedding day. Contrary to what everyone believes, the suit is red, but because of its microdot pattern, it gives the illusion of being pink. Little known fact: being that my husband is more traditional than I am and seeing how I never wore the five-year-old suit before that day, it served as both my something old and new. For my something borrowed and blue, a then coworker lent me a sixpence which I wrapped in blue masking tape and put it in my red and white saddle shoes from Bass. Looking back, it was a beautiful day that we got to share with a handful of family and friends, and that suit was definitely the perfect choice.
SEPTEMBER 2018: This was opening night of Erika Jayne’s Pretty Mess Tour, which also happened to be my 44th birthday. Every year for my birthday, I make it a point to wear something new, and that year was no exception. Knowing I was going to actually meet my favorite Real Housewife, I wanted something extra special. I found this metallic suit by INC International Concepts in Macy’s, and I loved both the pattern and how the pants were straight cut and how elongated my legs looked in them. I’m sure the platform heel of my black Steve Madden boots had something to do with that as well. And of course, I went with blonde hair. Unfortunately, this suit was a one and done situation, as it never fit me again after that night, and I eventually donated it. Luckily, I have photos like this one to remind me of that evening.
SEPTEMBER 2018: HA… my husband HATES these sarong pants. I bought them on Christopher Street back in 2004 for a pride party, and the person who sold them to me warned me about the possibility of having a visible panty situation while wearing them. So, idiot me took that to mean I should go commando to the party. Of course, I got plenty of stares, which I thought was because people really loved the pants, only to find out that all my business was out on display, and nobody thought to tell me. Anyway, I ended up giving these pants away shortly after the party, and YEARS later, they somehow managed to make their way back to me. This picture was taken the day after the previous one, after a fun day attending DragCon at the Javitz Center. As you can probably guess by its name, DragCon is all about self-expression and having fun with fashion. So, I decided to bring out the sarong pants for an appearance, only this time, I wore a black 2xist swim trunk under them. I also paired them with knee high Dr. Marten boots for dramatic effect as the slits opened while I was walking. In fact, Ross Matthews loved these pants and invited me on stage to participate in a game that day, which I won.
OCTOBER 2018: Growing up in an Orthodox Jewish community, we did not do things like celebrate Halloween. So, when I got older and moved away, I have always made a big deal about dressing up each year. What a lot of people don’t know is that A LOT of planning goes into what I will wear, and sometimes I decide what I will be dressing up as a full year in advance. This latex suit had been a dream costume idea of mine for YEARS, but I always stopped short of executing it for one reason or another. What made this year different was that I had bought those knee-high Dr. Martens (yes, the same ones worn at DragCon) and I wanted something to go with them. Well, here is a perfect example of being careful what you wish for. At this time, I was working two full-time jobs (don’t ask) and the plan was to meet my husband after he finished work that night. Getting into this involved covering myself with two bottles of lube to get the suit up my body and a wire hanger to close the zipper in the back. I then decided to walk 30 blocks from my job up to my husband because it was a nice night. What I didn’t take into account was how hot the suit would be, and by the time I met him, the feet of the suit were filled with pools of sweat that my toes were squishing in. Unfortunately, or luckily depending on how you look at it, my husband was in a shitty mood that evening, and we ended up coming straight home. I ended up showering 4 times that night to feel somewhat decent again. On a separate note: The latex mask I’m wearing was from some costume place in England that worked on the costumes for the Batman movies. It was stringless and had to be adhered to my face with prosthetic glue.
DECEMBER 2018: Sometimes, a mass market clothing store will release these capsule collections by high end designers. There will only be a few pieces that tend to sell out pretty quickly. Case in point, these Moschino by H&M silver pants that I wore for New Year’s Eve 2018. It took me a while to find them, but eventually I managed to get my hands on a new pair through Poshmark. I paired them with this black tuxedo shirt from Express. Currently, these pants are in the back of my closet, awaiting the perfect occasion to be worn again. Funny story: on my way to meet my husband at Lincoln Center that night, somebody on the train thought I was a male prostitute in these pants. Every now and then, I debate how much I should have said I charged an hour to shut him up.
OCTOBER 2019: As a child of the 70’s/80’s, I cannot tell you how many times I would be in a Toys R’Us, Child’s World, McCrorys or Woolworths around Halloween time walking down that first aisle of floor to ceiling Ben Cooper costumes jealous because I would never get to wear one of them. For those not in the know, Ben Cooper costumes were these costumes that came in a box and consisted of a plastic mask on an elastic band and a vinyl smock, usually with a picture of the character on the front of it. Anyway, as I became an adult and started participating in all the Halloween fun, my dream costume was always a Ben Cooper, but I never thought it would ever come to fruition. For one thing, even though they did make a few adult costumes, Ben Cooper primarily focused on children’s costumes. And for another, being that the company went belly up in the late 80’s, finding a mask that was still intact and a vinyl smock that wasn’t ripped to shreds was no easy feat. For years, I scoured eBay, and by some miracle, I managed to find this mask and smock, which were being sold separately by two different vendors. That year, my job had a Halloween themed bowling party to celebrate the end of the High Holiday season and being that most of my coworkers believed I’m the devil incarnate (and actually still do), I figured it was the perfect opportunity to make this bucket list moment happen. I should probably add that the costume box still has its original price tag on it and that this particular Ben Cooper, which cost $2.97 when it was originally sold in 1973, was purchased for 100 times its original price. It is currently put away in a storage bin, where it will remain, as it is a collector’s piece.
DECEMBER 2020: THE OUTFIT FROM HELL!!!!! Now let me first say that I absolutely love what I’m wearing here. However, what nobody other than my friend Natalia and my husband knew until now was that this was the one and only time that I ever wore Spanx to fit into an outfit. As anyone with Thyroid issues can tell you, weight is a major problem, and my weight tends to fluctuate A LOT. I had ordered these Wilsons’s Leather pants (remember them?) from Poshmark, which fit so well when I first got them that November. However, by the time New Year’s Eve rolled around, which is when this photo was taken, I could not close the button without laying down and holding my breath. So, rather than look for something else to wear, I caved and bought Spanx, which I honestly believe were created as a torture device. I could barely breathe with them on, and after about two hours, I couldn’t take it anymore. I eventually went into a McDonald’s bathroom to take them off and throw away. The rest of that evening was a bust, as my husband and I went to this club event at The Bowery Ballroom, where we were the oldest two people and just stood in a corner the whole night. As for those pants, I got into them maybe two times after that evening without Spanx, and then I donated them. The Zara tuxedo shirt was worn one other time for a work event, where it kept popping open throughout the evening, and it too was eventually donated. The Steve Madden shoes are still in my closet.
SEPTEMBER 2021: Every year for the High Holidays at work, I try to come up with a cohesive theme for all my outfits. Unfortunately, the holidays came shortly after the passing of my mother this year, so I was in no headspace to really focus on what I would wear. As time drew closer to Rosh Hashanah, I decided to shop my closet and go with a black and white motif. Now I don’t know about any of you, but I tend to pull inspiration from pop culture. And when it comes to pop culture, nobody has had a greater influence in my life than Madonna. For some reason, while thinking about things to wear in black and white, I remembered this look she had worn while singing Borderline on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (right pic). So, being the fan I am and having pretty much all the elements in my closet, I decided that imitation was the sincerest form of flattery, and recreated the look, complete with fingerless gloves. My outfit (left pic) was head to toe Express, and I think I managed to pull it off, if I do say so myself. I did get a bunch of compliments that day, and if I were being completely honest, this year’s High Holiday outfits have been my favorite thus far.
And just like that, I think we have reached the end of this trip down memory lane. This has actually been kind of fun. Fashion has always played such an important part in my life, so it’s nice to look back at all these pictures, see the looks and reminisce. Thank you for sharing this with me and I hope you all enjoyed this small glimpse into my past.
Well, it looks like it’s about that time for visions of sugarplums to be dancing in my head, so I’m heading off to bed before Santa arrives. After all, he does know when you are sleeping and when you’re awake. So, being the good Jewish boy that I am, I don’t want to do anything to piss off the big guy.
For all those that observe, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas. Stay safe and healthy. And for everyone, I pray that this upcoming New Year brings all of us the peace that we all deserve.
See you in 2022!!!